Sunday Stats – August 4, 2013

5 Aug

A day late, I know but things have been busy!

Weight: 231.5 lbs

I am soooo happy to see that number on the scale! At this point my sense of success is so frail that if I had been a gain or maybe even no change, I would have thrown in the towel. I would have indulged and gone way overboard. Like I mentioned in a post a few weeks ago I am really busy. I am also really stressed. Normally for me, stress translates into eating. I am really just holding myself together at times and I usually bury those negative feelings or comfort myself with some carby-sugary-salty-unreasonable portions.

However I have taken a few baby steps not to console myself with food this past week. It feels good. It is a small way of exerting control in my life and also taking a stand for myself and saying “I’m not going to let you (stress) make me feel so bad that I do myself a disservice by using food as a coping mechanism”

I did not do much traditional exercise over the weekend. Saturday was my cousin’s wedding so I danced Saturday night! Then Sunday I went back to help them clean up for about three and a half hours. So I was moving. It was a good weekend but I am looking forward to getting back on track. Unless I go for a walk tonight, tomorrow morning I will get up and exercise before work.

I’m a superstar!

1 Aug

Well, a 6k walk with my dog does not make me a superstar by most people’s standards but that’s how I feel! I’d rather milk it than downplay it. :) Yesterday I texted Kdubz from work to see if he was okay postponing supper so I could go for a walk right after work. He agreed and pretty much as soon as I got home Bear and I headed out.

The first 2km were the roughest, the sides of my calves burned the whole time! I thought about turning back because I usually never experience something like that. I was worried my sneakers had reached their limit and that was causing the pain, but I decided to push a little further and I am glad I did! I had intended to go at least 8km but after our hike on Sunday the dogs paws were a bit raw, so I didn’t want to push Bear too hard.

I’ll take Jersey out this evening, for a 3-5km walk. Her age is really showing and she can’t do much more than that without limping. She was a bit lame after our Sunday hike and laid in the porch all day Monday. I’ll probably do 3km with her and again, not push it too hard. I may be super awesome and get another walk in on Friday!

The Red Queen

30 Jul

I feel sort of like the Red Queen in Alice in Wonderland, running as hard as I can just to stay in one place.

"Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"

“Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”

My life feels tumultuous and stressful. I have so much on the go that it’s like going full speed ahead every single day. I vacillate between making an effort to lose weight and overeating because I’m not keeping a regular schedule (due to work) or stuffing my face because I am so ridiculously stressed out. I don’t want to throw in the towel entirely but I feel like a fraud, busting my butt at times (Sunday’s hike) and then overindulging (pizza, red wine and ice cream all in one night) at other times.

I think one of the problems for me is that the motions of weight loss have become automatic. Oatmeal for breakfast, fruit, veggies and yogurt for a snack, salad for lunch and a meat-and-potatoes kind of supper. Follow that with at least 20 minutes of exercise. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat ad nauseum. My body knows what to do but my head is not in the game. I am not in tune with my inner thoughts about food, healthiness and myself. Because if I were I would not be using food as a crutch to help me deal with the stress I am experiencing. Well, at least not as much.

My brother has recently tried going gluten free for 2 months to determine if he has gluten sensitivities. Over the winter I watched a ton of documentaries (Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, Forks over Knives ) and read a few heart healthy books (The Ultimate Weight Solution, Heart Attack Proof). Not that these sources all promote the exact same thing, but in general they focus on whole foods, less red meat, more veggies, whole grains and cutting out sugar, processed foods and some on cutting back on carbs.

In theory, I do all these things. But lately pop can snuck back into my diet. Chips and ice cream are pretty common. Since it’s summer we are eating red meat a lot more frequently. I’m not making work lunches every Sunday night like I used to. Most days I get salad/broccoli slaw but some days I get potato salad or pizza or junk food. I am seriously considering trying something drastic, to break my sugar addiction and my dependence on carbs, fat and salt. I have always been hesitant to do so because I know how hard it would be for me. I also think it may present some challenges with Kdubz. But I need to get serious about weight loss. I need to be on it 110% all of the time, not being on it 75% a third of the time.

I’m not quite ready to make that jump yet. I’m a bit hesitant with my current work schedule to make that change, but I don’t want to put my health and my life on hold until things are ‘better/easier/whatever.’ I think taking the month of August to do some research, try out some recipes and start making the transition would be wise. My life should also slow down a bit come September. Even if it doesn’t, I am already well on the way to making a change. I’m not set on particulars yet, like if I will cut out all gluten, refined sugar, processed foods, dairy and alcohol. But this will be something for me to figure out. I also think making such a drastic change to my eating habits will force me to be engaged in my food choices and also respond to the emotional repercussions of those choices.

I need to make a bigger change than I have. I need to make a ‘clean break’ so to speak from my former life and habits. I need to start running twice as fast if I expect to get somewhere.

Sunday Stats – July 28, 2013

28 Jul

Weight: 233 lbs (+3)

Although I have no net loss for the month of July, I am happy my weight has come down from my weigh-in on Tuesday, which was 237 lbs. It freaked me out, seeing a gain of 7lbs in one week. But I have to say that I deserved that weight gain. I have been really irresponsible with what I have been eating. This has got to change. One minute I am committed and making healthy choices and then half an hour later I am back peddling and scarfing down ice cream.

Exercise has been spotty too. This week I planned to be out in the field at least 2 days. Well, there was a change in weather and it was not safe for us to go out, so I was in the office. Prior to field work, days when I was in the office I would get up early and do an exercise video. This was not the case this past week. I weeded my garden 2-3 times for about a half hour and I took the dogs to the beach for 30 minutes but other than that I just sat on my butt. By Saturday I was vibrating, I was so restless. I drug Kdubz out of the house and we walked along the beach. It was a nice, leisurely pace and fun to get out just he and I. I also weeded my grandmother’s garden for an hour and a half and that allowed me to feel normal again, not full of pent up energy.

Then today, a friend and I took our dogs and hiked along the shore for 4.5 hours. I think the total distance was maybe 5km but we were scrambling over rocks, going up and down rock formations and bushwhacking when the rock faces were too steep. I am exhausted after that, but I feel good! We wore the dogs out, almost literally, their paw pads are raw. I am glad we got to go, but this week I am going to have to make an effort to be active because if not I will end up antsy and agitated for next weekend. While I love long hikes and wearing myself out on the weekend, exercising once a week does not cut it!

I’m still here! (I promise!)

22 Jul

I have been M.I.A. for the past week, I know. I try to blog three times a week, but that obviously did not happen at all. There are two reasons for that. The first is that work is kinda crazy right now. I’m working a lot of overtime due to the fact that I’m in the field most of the time. My days are going to be a bit more normal in terms of length (I.E. 7-8 hours instead of 14-16 hours) but the hours will be weird and the work is physically demanding, so I am TIRED at the end of the day. Second, we went away for the weekend and had basically no cell/internet service. That, in and of itself was lovely.

I will be continuing to do field work the rest of July and August. Plus, it’s summer time so my weekends are busy! I am thinking one or two posts per week is a little more reasonable. That also means that I will not be working out as much as I thought. I mean work-outs in a traditional sense like running, exercise videos, hiking, lifting weights, etc. But as I mentioned work is physically demanding so I am being active. I will make an effort to work-out each week, I will aim for 3x workouts a week, but I will not beat myself up if I only manage one or two.

Our weekend away was great! We went to a music festival. I definitely drank too much beer and ate too much junk food but I also danced my butt off and just hung out with my fiancĂ©. :) I’m not going to get into too much detail in this post, but I made two very distinct and important observations: when I drink alcohol, I make bad food choices and I really need to take the time to evaluate each craving because eating everything but what I’m craving is not a solution.

We just got back a few hours ago so I have not weighed in this week. I will tomorrow and I don’t expect it to be pretty but I am owning the choices that I made. If I gained, I definitely deserved it!

Here is a pic of something yummy and pretty healthy that I ate this weekend! Chipotle pork tacos with quinoa, brown rice and artichoke salad.

Chipotle pork tacos with a quinoa, brown rice and artichoke side salad

Chipotle pork tacos with a quinoa, brown rice and artichoke side salad

Sunday Stats – July 14, 2013

14 Jul

Weight: 230 lbs (-3)

I am super stoked about my weight! I actually weighed in yesterday but as usual Sunday is my official weigh-in day. I was concerned that some of it might be a loss of water weight. But I am thankful it’s not!

I have three more days of field work this week and then I am off Thursday-Monday. It’s a 5 day weekend which is great! It’s our anniversary, Evolve and I really do need a mini vacay because work has been busy! I am getting a lot of overtime because of my field work so I am hoping to take a few 3 day weekends. The field work is great because it is a mega work-out! As long as I eat well, I should continue to lose. However I will try to participate in ‘traditional’ work-outs as much as I can.

The next few weeks with long days working in remote areas present a challenge for eating well. I’ll be tired every night, so I’ve prepared my lunches for the next three days: apples, carrots, Clif granola bars, yogurt, potato salad and a bulgar/bean/veggie salad with salsa.

This weekend will be a challenge, because we will be eating finger food, food truck food and drinking lots of liquor. I do plan to indulge this weekend but only to indulge when it’s worth it. I’m going to bring lots of happy snacks: carrots, apples and dates. I also have some bulgar/bean/vegetable salad extras for me to fill up on.

Keepin’ on!

13 Jul

I definitely went for a run/walk on Tuesday night. It was a bit worse than I’d like to admit. :s I followed it up with 25 minutes of yoga.

Wednesday evening I went for a 3km walk with a friend and my girl Jersey! I am excited because my friend says she wants to get into running. So I think it will be a perfect source of motivation for me and for her to get out together and exercise. We are busy and it’s been hard to make time for each other lately. It was so awesome getting to just walk and catch up tonight! I am looking forward to doing it again!

I am doing a lot of 12-14 hour days with work right now. We’re travelling to a semi-remote location and doing population surveys in specific habitats, so that means a packed lunch. I make an effort to keep it healthy – yogurt, apples and salad are staples. But it is physically demanding so I often have something kind of carb-y in there too like pasta, a sandwich or potato salad. (Yum!) We are working hard and sweating hard. I also helped Kdubz with work two evenings this week, so that’s 5 more hours of physical activity. I am optimistic for the scale tomorrow! I love it when the circumstances of my life cause me to be active rather than me relying purely on my internal motivation to get out there and move.

Confessions

10 Jul

It’s Tuesday night and I feel like a greasy, chubby fatso. To be honest, that is sort of the truth. I have a penchant to eat my emotions, especially stress, sadness and anger. I’ve been feeling particularly stressed out about work and I suffered a small disappointment yesterday (at the time it seemed end of the world big) and those two things together pushed me over the edge. I needed to bury my hurt under food, which you know, definitely works.

So last night I picked up KFC for supper. I got a bucket of chicken with fries and gravy for Kdubz and I. I ate to the point of discomfort. That is something I rarely do any more. Today after work, I stopped at the store to pick up a prescription and also decided to get supper (we need to get groceries). I called Kdubz to see what he wanted and he told me to get whatever. So I planned on a pre-cooked hot chicken with rice, sauerkraut and corn. But when there were no hot chickens I just wandered the deli section. I found these garlic finger and donair pinwheels. I picked up 4 packages, 16 pinwheels in total. I also got potato salad because I’ve been craving it lately. But I was good, I got fixings for salad and yogurt for the rest of my week work lunches.

I was hungry when I got home, being almost an hour and a half later than usual combined with little food at work today (no groceries) I was extra hungry. So I proceeded to eat a drumstick of leftover chicken and about a half a cup of potato salad. Then I reheated the pinwheels for our supper and ate three. Again eating to the point of minor discomfort.

So in the past 24 hours I have filled my body with junk (minus the salad and dates I ate at work today).

You know that overeating did not alleviate my stress or make it go away. It just pushed it to the background. Stuffing my face when I got home from work re-enforced food as king in my life. Then eating a ‘second’ supper on top of that to eat with Kdubz made a bad situation worse.

How do I reconcile this? My options are to either beat myself up for making several bad decisions over the past two days or acknowledge them, realize they do not serve me and move on. I refuse to get caught up past bad decisions. I choose to focus on the current moment and the good decisions I can make now.

One of those good decisions (when my stomach settles in about an hour) is to get off my couch and exercise. :)

Sunday Stats July 7, 2013

9 Jul

Weight: 233 lbs (-0.5)

I am super happy to report that loss, no matter how small it is! To be honest, I was actually expecting a gain. I was on the road four days last week and didn’t get home until 11:30pm Friday night. I was spending my afternoons doing field work and it was RIDICULOUSLY hot! I stayed well hydrated but since I was staying in hotels my breakfasts consisted of things like cinnamon buns, sausages, ham and eggs. :S Lunches were sandwiches with apples, dates and crackers for snacks. Supper was a burger and fries the first, second and fourth night and then bangers and mash the third night. I also treated myself to a pint of beer the second and third nights.

On the second day I went for a 20 minute walk (after supper because I was so full!) and a 20 minute swim. On the third day I was wake early so I went for a 30 minute walk before breakfast and a 20 minute walk after supper (again, stuffed!). So that helped, but what I really think made the difference was the 4 hours of yard work I did yesterday. I also did 6 hours of yard work today, but that was after I weighed in.

This week may be very hard to work out. I am off tomorrow, so I will definitely be working out. But with my current contract, I am likely going to start to have to work 12-15 hours a few days a week. It’s going to be outside, in whatever weather we happen to have that day. So I will be beat. I will be moving, walking, lifting and pulling so I’ll be getting a bit of a work out. I’ll have to play it by ear to determine what days I will be able to and up to working out.

Although it’s annoying because most of the food I eat is unprocessed/from scratch recipes, I think I need to get back into tracking. That’s when I see my weight move the most. I use myfitnesspal (username: nikkianne) so if you’re on there. Check me out!

Here are a couple of pictures from my week away. Happy Sunday!

Pictou harbour

photo (9)

Sugar Stress

2 Jul

The title could easily be ‘salt stress’ or ‘fat stress’ or ‘stuff-my-face-full-of-anything-I-can-get-my-hands-on stress”. I am under a lot of pressure at work. The pace feels like everything should have been done yesterday. The skill set I am required to employ does not come naturally to me. So I want to fill my face when I am feeling stressed, as well as when I am home at the end of the day when I am feeling relieved. Resisting temptation, which is hard under normal circumstances, is doubly hard when I feel like I want to give up and quit my job.

One of the tools I have been trying to make use of is positive affirmations. I remind myself that these challenges and uncomfortable moments that I face are making me stronger and resilient. I am actually starting to see how things are getting a bit better. It does not take the craving for junk food away but it sure makes the temptation easier to face when I am feeling good about myself and my life.

On Monday, I was feeling frustrated and uncomfortable and unsure. I wanted to take comfort in food. Something chocolate-y and sweet and ice creamy. My thoughts were something like “I just don’t care! I want to give up trying to lose weight and be healthy and just indulge myself!” I didn’t end up giving in to that specific craving. But later in the day when I was feeling better Kdubz and I went for ice cream because it was Canada Day. :)

I want to use positive affirmations and positive thought to transform my thought patterns. So often I catch myself thinking that I will never lose weight or reach my goal weight. If my subconscious self doesn’t believe I can do it, how can my conscious self expect to succeed. I have set a reminder on my cell phone at 10:20am, 3:20pm and 7:20pm to meditate. I have a specific affirmation that I meditate on each day, I also meditate on my ability to be a healthy weight, succeed in my job and my love life.

I’ve been practising daily meditation in some form since February and I can definitely see a positive change in my outlook on life and to enjoy my life more in general. I really hope that I am able to use it to transform my self-talk and thought patterns.

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