I feel sort of like the Red Queen in Alice in Wonderland, running as hard as I can just to stay in one place.
“Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”
My life feels tumultuous and stressful. I have so much on the go that it’s like going full speed ahead every single day. I vacillate between making an effort to lose weight and overeating because I’m not keeping a regular schedule (due to work) or stuffing my face because I am so ridiculously stressed out. I don’t want to throw in the towel entirely but I feel like a fraud, busting my butt at times (Sunday’s hike) and then overindulging (pizza, red wine and ice cream all in one night) at other times.
I think one of the problems for me is that the motions of weight loss have become automatic. Oatmeal for breakfast, fruit, veggies and yogurt for a snack, salad for lunch and a meat-and-potatoes kind of supper. Follow that with at least 20 minutes of exercise. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat ad nauseum. My body knows what to do but my head is not in the game. I am not in tune with my inner thoughts about food, healthiness and myself. Because if I were I would not be using food as a crutch to help me deal with the stress I am experiencing. Well, at least not as much.
My brother has recently tried going gluten free for 2 months to determine if he has gluten sensitivities. Over the winter I watched a ton of documentaries (Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, Forks over Knives ) and read a few heart healthy books (The Ultimate Weight Solution, Heart Attack Proof). Not that these sources all promote the exact same thing, but in general they focus on whole foods, less red meat, more veggies, whole grains and cutting out sugar, processed foods and some on cutting back on carbs.
In theory, I do all these things. But lately pop can snuck back into my diet. Chips and ice cream are pretty common. Since it’s summer we are eating red meat a lot more frequently. I’m not making work lunches every Sunday night like I used to. Most days I get salad/broccoli slaw but some days I get potato salad or pizza or junk food. I am seriously considering trying something drastic, to break my sugar addiction and my dependence on carbs, fat and salt. I have always been hesitant to do so because I know how hard it would be for me. I also think it may present some challenges with Kdubz. But I need to get serious about weight loss. I need to be on it 110% all of the time, not being on it 75% a third of the time.
I’m not quite ready to make that jump yet. I’m a bit hesitant with my current work schedule to make that change, but I don’t want to put my health and my life on hold until things are ‘better/easier/whatever.’ I think taking the month of August to do some research, try out some recipes and start making the transition would be wise. My life should also slow down a bit come September. Even if it doesn’t, I am already well on the way to making a change. I’m not set on particulars yet, like if I will cut out all gluten, refined sugar, processed foods, dairy and alcohol. But this will be something for me to figure out. I also think making such a drastic change to my eating habits will force me to be engaged in my food choices and also respond to the emotional repercussions of those choices.
I need to make a bigger change than I have. I need to make a ‘clean break’ so to speak from my former life and habits. I need to start running twice as fast if I expect to get somewhere.